Will Not Wrestle Doves

PHILIP GUSTON:

"There is something ridiculous and miserly in the myth we inherit from abstract art. That painting is autonomous, pure and for itself, therefore we habitually analyze its ingredients and define its limits. But painting is 'impure'. It is the adjustment of 'impurities' which forces its continuity. We are image-makers and image-ridden. There are no wiggly or straight lines..."

We all need to be free. There is something overwhelming about the attempt to conquer something you previously viewed as The Desirable, to turn things up on the side like that is the task of only the seekers of loneliness. And yet there remains the reality that it just needs to be carried out.

Just as a painter becomes weary of the repetitiveness of style, so also do I see my own inhumanity at an inability towards the most basic feelings of empathy. Philip Guston had to become a cartoon to challenge confinement. What will you and I become?

Philip Guston, ‘Untitled (Cherries)’ (1980).
Philip Guston, 'Painting, Smoking, Eating' (1973)

Philip Guston, 'Multiplied' (1972).

There Are Also Black Sails

This morning I journeyed with a friend deep into the realm of a most fierce, but utterly delicate self-proclaimed monster. He, in his demonic severity, proclaimed his love for a feathery moth with an acute aversion to light. The monster called out to the moth, but the moth of course, was unable to speak, due to her shy nature. And so they continued to live together but apart, in an endless labyrinth of misconception.


"Insatiable Minotaur! My Dreams chafe against his horns... A king’s ultimate responsibility is to be sovereign of his own being. And yet, it’s impossible!"-Julio Cortázar

Gustave Doré, 'Minos' (1857).

Sonnet of the Sweet Complaint

Never let me Lose the Marvel
of your statue-like eyes, or the accent
the solitary rose of your breath
places on my cheek at night.

I am afraid of being, on this shore,
a branch less trunk and what I most regret,
is having no flower, pulp or clay
for the worm of my despair.

If you are my hidden treasure,
If you are my cross, my dampened pain,
If I am a dog, and you alone are my master

Never let me lose what I have gained
and adorn the branches of your river
with the leaves of my estranged autumn.

-Lorca

How Well Her Name An Army Dost Present

A cat's hazy cry
in nowise odd; sly
whose sodden yowl
does despair me so

Buried In The Hold

Three pairs of eyes dart quickly from side to side. He must also witness the physical and mental deterioration of a friend who is suffering from an unnamed disease.


"Each time, she finds herself tormented by her terrible fear of the rattling skeleton of a huge gorilla, which she believes inhabits the house at night."- Unica Zurn, Dark Spring
Drawing by Unica Zurn

Hollow Head Above Water

Lay your head down, old fashioned.
I'd like to be someone who you could learn to love again
you know how it is my friends

Put A Handle On The Past

give them heart hinges and get on your way!

Night Owl

I am a nurse's assistant at Brackenridge Hospital. Being at Brack, we get all walks of life. Which means I have plenty of crazy stories to tell. Monday night, crazy lady told one nurse that she was a fool, the other that she was a juvenile delinquent and me that I was a whore...a whore from Mexico City. That really shocked me, but definitely made me laugh. I hope when I get old I don't go crazy, but that I'll be able to tell 'em like it is.

Digital Rats

they kill cats.

The Cult Of The Wavers

i got in!!! this is Wavin' Willie--a new jersey legend, you can read more about him here http://www.weirdnj.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=109&Itemid=28
The man who lives on Navasota just near 7th. might be a member of the same secret society. They wave at everyone who passes by. I think I have been accepted into the cult, as he waves at me every day as I ride my bike home around 5:10 pm. What I need to know is does he wave at everyone, or just me? what are the proper initiation procedures? Obviously I wave back. do I have to sit on my porch and wait for people? my apartment faces a parking lot so I am nervous I won't be able to reach that many people. Do I have to be on social security benefits in order to qualify?

Willie, if you are reading this please contact me on protocol.
Thank you.

Keep Off The Furniture Series

kindly get off your rocker, sir

"A rocking chair or rocker is a chair with two curved bands of wood (also know as rockers) attached to the bottom of the legs (one on the left two legs and one on the right two legs). This gives the chair contact with the floor at only two points granting the occupant the ability to rock back and forth by shifting his/her weight or pushing lightly with his/her feet. Many find rocking chairs soothing because of the gentle rocking. Rocking chairs are also comfortable because when one sits in one without rocking the chair automatically rocks backwards until the sitter's center of gravity is met thus granting the ergonomic benefit that the occupant is kept at a very unstressed position and angle."

It's A Reign Of Terror.

The Birth of Our Blog

Finally. A blog. A blog just for Lindsey and I. Since we both have always wanted a blog, but were a little reserved when it came to sharing our thoughts online for others to read...we decided to have a blog together. I know I feel a whole lot better having someone to actually blog with. This idea of a Lindsey Blog was brought up in a conversation with Stephanie Hall. And so, here it is everyone.

What's wrong with people these days?
This is a thought that runs through my mind at least once a day. A few days ago, I decided I needed to make a quick run to good ol' HEB over on E.7th and Pleasant Valley. Probably not the best thing to do at 7pm on a Saturday night, but too late. As I got out of my car and went to my trunk to grab my green reusable grocery bag, a lady with 2 small children asked me if I wanted some tamales. I said, "No, thanks. I don't have any money" meaning I didn't have any cash on me. About 15 minutes later, as I am coming out of the store with my bag of groceries on my way to me car, I see the same tamale lady with her kids in a cart standing right next to my car. Like, really close. I thought maybe they were looking inside it or something? No idea. Well, she realizes that I'm walking towards my car and she quickly passes by me. I look down and see something dripping from my car, forming a small puddle of yellow creeping slowly towards my feet. I realized that she had her child pee on my car. Pee on my car?! Are you kidding me? I was polite about not wanting any tamales and I get a stream of urine on my car? It's people like these that I worry about. Her is going to grow up thinking it's ok to pee on people's cars when they say no to you. How ridiculus. I couldn't believe it. Seriously. I was shocked.

Weather
I can't believe the weather right now. It's freezing. It's been freakin' cold all day. I wouldn't mind it as much if I didn't have to walk my puppy outside to potty 10 times a day. Brr. I wish it would just go away and the sun would come back. Normally, I'm a big fan of rain and clouds, but not when it's super cold.

My Goal
I've never really had resolutions for the new year. Maybe once, I decided I wouldn't eat any sweets for a year, but I think that lasted for a day, thanks to gummi worms. I don't really like resolutions, so I came up with a goal. Most people who know me, know that I have the diet of a 5 year old. Mac and Cheese, cereal, ham and provolone cheese with-mayo-only-please sandwiches, Ritz crackers, cookies, chocolate milk, peach yogurt, pretzels, etc. You get the idea. Well, I think it's time I broaden my horizons. For instance, last night at work, I tried a bunch of Chinese food I never would have tried before. I'm comfortable with my pork fried rice, but i had like 5 other things. It was all so delicious. I also tried dried pineapple, but it wasn't great. So, I can't say I don't like something without trying it. Phew. Kind of digging myself a hole, but what the heck?

It's a new semester. New classes. Same job. New friends. New blog. New goal. I suppose I will kid close by saying, the moral of the story is...to buy tamales or else you might get peed on.

The Day Binary One Upped Me

so it seems summer is exiting much in the way it entered.
reading, solitude, sleeping in late & lots of dehydration headaches.
and at times the thoughts i have really are golden, but they are fleeting, and the energy to put the pen to the paper is just too much. once read maybe twice. but certainly not understood, least of all by me. and i'm sitting here on the side of the freeway with a flat tire. nothing to do but trace the rumble strips with my finger, because i'm not sure how to change it without wrecking things.
all of the things have been packed away now, in little boxes, that can fit in your lap and don't cost more than $5.29 to ship. good riddance, forgotten the instant they pass through my fingers. there are little paper cut outs all over the floor. and my mind/////..........pieces things. things that really have no need to be pieced anymore. because they have been resolved. at least in the most temporary of ways. and the person on the other end was never anything more than 0's and 1's, some kind of fluid self-invented combination. just like i am, .,,,!!!?///.

*he suggests some dramatic course of action. dream but don't sleep. method.method.method. medium. medium.medium. change it and bring it back. he dances in circles while everyone is watching. they don't laugh, and only some of them feel bad for him. the rest of us just sit and stare, amazed at how those digits are rolling...zero one zero zero one. a little calculator on probation from all those other numerals. on , off. off off on...what remarkable craftmanship.

but who am i kidding. sitting here strictly at zero.

You Are Not Authorized

I'm up there. where the green and the blue organic lines merge. i find a cigarette carton on the ground and i crawl to the back. peer through. you will surely find a funeral procession. lay back red Volvo station wagon, you smell like musty parlor and taste of corn chips. your headphones die and you find it best to leave them in, so people will think you are occupied.

Lindsey, you are trying to make something out of nothing.
it defies these laws. you rotate. you spin. and all the while things are in the makings for a machine that is sustainable. and waste free.these plans are fallible.
then we sit with vanilla yogurt just to keep the ball in play.

keep crawling you'll find yourself in the Spanish barrio feeling out of place. with advertisements for chips that you've never heard of, and shady looking men in 10 year old Cadillacs, with kittens on the license plate.

on the ground things have been crushed. we step there because we think they are bugs. they are people and small birds. the people are throwing up all over the ground. and from above these things look so small. keep walking for the rotten orange. little man, you will make it there someday. though i have the faculties to save you the effort i will watch from above. unchanged. with full knowledge of future disappointments. bound to travel just to get there and realize your prize is stale. but you were successful however Pyhrric. you don't know I'm here (watching.and maybe laughing) or you would curse me.
these words are done. i will burn them to make them my masterpiece. never seen by a human eye. never worthy. unaffecting. the heat and smoke will give them away. and the light will start a revolution. people will ask "she has burned the internet down to the ground"

and they will be out for good blood. a serious defector. good riddance.
without realizing it was never a real question.